So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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