I CAN MOONWALK!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
