You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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