Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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