i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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