You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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