margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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