I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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