Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
