Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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