It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
