Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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