i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
