I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
