I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
