in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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