I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
