Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Mom said you looked used
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
