Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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