not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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