is your mom at the bar?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
