I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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