I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Randomize
