no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
