I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
