can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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