All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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