Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
