I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
