Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
