I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
