His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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