I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My liver just had a heart attack.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
