are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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