I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize