Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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