just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
