I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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