You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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