I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
