Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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