I want to have your abortion
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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