It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
