I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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