I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
