Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
