I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
