He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
