Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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