I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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