Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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