Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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