Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
