I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In other news, I just burned my penis
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
