the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize