its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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