Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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