he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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