i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
