So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
