omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
