You made me cry and you don't even care
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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