puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
