oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
