The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
