Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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