The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
