Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
