You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
