I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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