real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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