don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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