there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
