You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
