I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
