I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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