I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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